It has been months now.Wrapped up in the same agony but a new war in my heart going on!
Are you the one?
You have been there when i lost all interest in love,affection and relationships.Do you remember our initial talks..i always told you how much i hate romantic songs and the romantic flicks? And the fact that i least cared for anyone except a bunch of friends and how much i hate communication on phone or messaging for hours after being such a professional(yes,typing without even looking at the keypad..lol!).Life was so much more of mess,though,still it is .But,that numbness which occupied my mind most of the time in respect of something sentimental has been eliminated.Yes,the way you hated me initially because i never responded properly every time you were angry at me(yeah the same reply-OK.i guess you are upset now,so talk to you later).All the time i wasted sitting in front of my lappy with that no-serious-life attitude!how insane i was!I lost all that sanity in life,all dreams,career,all that bothered was friendships and some college fun!You made me realize that life isn't about just having fun,being lazy,getting addicted to stuffs i shouldn't(though still i am but yes i do resist just because of that small promise!)
All this has turned around for better of course!:)
I still need a prick just to see whether is it all real?..can someone be in love( so much) with someone who isn't even paying a heed to him?If i would have been at your place,i seriously would have lost it in a a month or so.But for you,it has been 8 damn months..oh man..such a long time..!i know the fear that creeps in your mind every time i go mad(yes my mood fluctuations,as you call it).I just want to tell you that its not my mood fluctuations,it is the fear whether would i be able to stick to my commitments?..are you the one?...do i really need someone?...and of course the fear of rejection after some time above all!
Though,things are still unexplainable.My dreams are still just a thin line of imagination.Some emotions are still unidentifiable but yeah there are some!there is something,which i am not able to figure out(if i would have been,you wouldn't have got numerous chances even after what i did with you twice or even thrice!).Surely,the way i imagined my life after something big happening(you know what i mean by big here),it isn't the same way.You surely aren't the one whom i ever dreamt of(yeah you are not my types :P)..we are poles apart starting from each and everything,you know that!(even the zodiac sign have never been compatible with me,a taurean..lol..i gave you loads of real life example for it!)..Still,something which is making things work is your love and care.Had you not been there,i wouldn't have thought of moving on,leaving the past.Had you not been there,i wouldn't have got the motivation to study when i was just losing everything.Had you not been there.i wouldn't have started listening to soft songs.Had you not been there,i wouldn't have that capabilities to talk on phone for hours.Had you not been there,i wouldn't have retain that care and affection for people.Had you not been there,i wouldn't be able to speak each and every activity happening around me each day..obviously who is interested in what all happened in my life each day!Had you not been there,i wouldn't have my best admirer(oh god,still remember how much anxious you were when i had a haircut,it didn't even bother me that much though they were my own hair) when it comes to looks and nature but the worst critic of all when it comes to my lifestyle(yeah the same laid back attitude i develop after a few days of seriousness..hehe..).Had you not been there,i wouldn't have given justifications(you know,not my habit to justify things).Had you not been there,i wouldn't have ever listen to someone scolding me(at least someone of my age) but in your case all i do is just listen to your scolding,then feel like a small child with a sorry face because of all her wrong deeds..but..seriously love the attention..lol!
Still,i don't speak my mind to you because i still need some time..something might not be right...maybe!All we can live is on hope.You will get your answers soon.
As for me...i do dream but i still have a fear...
Are you the one?
You have been there when i lost all interest in love,affection and relationships.Do you remember our initial talks..i always told you how much i hate romantic songs and the romantic flicks? And the fact that i least cared for anyone except a bunch of friends and how much i hate communication on phone or messaging for hours after being such a professional(yes,typing without even looking at the keypad..lol!).Life was so much more of mess,though,still it is .But,that numbness which occupied my mind most of the time in respect of something sentimental has been eliminated.Yes,the way you hated me initially because i never responded properly every time you were angry at me(yeah the same reply-OK.i guess you are upset now,so talk to you later).All the time i wasted sitting in front of my lappy with that no-serious-life attitude!how insane i was!I lost all that sanity in life,all dreams,career,all that bothered was friendships and some college fun!You made me realize that life isn't about just having fun,being lazy,getting addicted to stuffs i shouldn't(though still i am but yes i do resist just because of that small promise!)
All this has turned around for better of course!:)
I still need a prick just to see whether is it all real?..can someone be in love( so much) with someone who isn't even paying a heed to him?If i would have been at your place,i seriously would have lost it in a a month or so.But for you,it has been 8 damn months..oh man..such a long time..!i know the fear that creeps in your mind every time i go mad(yes my mood fluctuations,as you call it).I just want to tell you that its not my mood fluctuations,it is the fear whether would i be able to stick to my commitments?..are you the one?...do i really need someone?...and of course the fear of rejection after some time above all!
Though,things are still unexplainable.My dreams are still just a thin line of imagination.Some emotions are still unidentifiable but yeah there are some!there is something,which i am not able to figure out(if i would have been,you wouldn't have got numerous chances even after what i did with you twice or even thrice!).Surely,the way i imagined my life after something big happening(you know what i mean by big here),it isn't the same way.You surely aren't the one whom i ever dreamt of(yeah you are not my types :P)..we are poles apart starting from each and everything,you know that!(even the zodiac sign have never been compatible with me,a taurean..lol..i gave you loads of real life example for it!)..Still,something which is making things work is your love and care.Had you not been there,i wouldn't have thought of moving on,leaving the past.Had you not been there,i wouldn't have got the motivation to study when i was just losing everything.Had you not been there.i wouldn't have started listening to soft songs.Had you not been there,i wouldn't have that capabilities to talk on phone for hours.Had you not been there,i wouldn't have retain that care and affection for people.Had you not been there,i wouldn't be able to speak each and every activity happening around me each day..obviously who is interested in what all happened in my life each day!Had you not been there,i wouldn't have my best admirer(oh god,still remember how much anxious you were when i had a haircut,it didn't even bother me that much though they were my own hair) when it comes to looks and nature but the worst critic of all when it comes to my lifestyle(yeah the same laid back attitude i develop after a few days of seriousness..hehe..).Had you not been there,i wouldn't have given justifications(you know,not my habit to justify things).Had you not been there,i wouldn't have ever listen to someone scolding me(at least someone of my age) but in your case all i do is just listen to your scolding,then feel like a small child with a sorry face because of all her wrong deeds..but..seriously love the attention..lol!
Still,i don't speak my mind to you because i still need some time..something might not be right...maybe!All we can live is on hope.You will get your answers soon.
As for me...i do dream but i still have a fear...
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