I was just going through facebook and suddenly stalked you.Saw you,your posts,her face,her posts and comments.As i closed my eyes for a few seconds,everything got refreshed from where it all started.Not that i want that but because of the sudden impulse to check how you are doing in life.Maybe,that's not what i should have been doing,i do resent it because i know its not worth anymore.No,you don't worth me(that's what people say,you said when you were leaving).Still,from immemorial times(yeah that's what i would tag that time as..) i have been thinking about you,not that i haven't moved on.I still fall in love with people,i still laugh the way i want to,i still know how to care,i still know how to have fun but with you something was different.I don't know what ignited that spark in me to live life like i have the best of all,to be myself.I know you never loved me that way,never would you ever do so.I know you have been so busy nowadays,but i,do remember the time when you used to call me the closest person among all in your life.Just because of that little commitment of yours(even as a best friend),i still have some good memory in my head,I do feel like something missing,i will always remember you(obviously first love it was,my first love.) in a little place in the back of my mind.As if those feelings are saved in a small trunk and then throwing them in the large store room where my belongings which are not in use are put.
But wait,do you feel the same way?..even a little bit of it?
Guess what...its a big NO( i know that!).whom am i kidding now!.okay fine,REALITY CHECK..now the fact is:we all know why summer love(or first love) are called so..maybe because it doesn't last much,just a summer or maybe its just the first one,a starting of something beautiful or leaving something for a better thing!
Silly me,thinking about all such stuffs when i know you are nothing but a selfish.You are nothing but self obsessed.You have changed and so did i.
The worst part was,we dint even have to be together for you to shatter my heart.You did it as many times as you could stab someone until he sleeps to death.My heart bleeds but its time to move on.Move on for my own good(yes i am selfish,who isn't?).
From now,don't expect me to remain in touch with you.I wouldn't do that deliberately.Moreover i m loathing you day by day because of your deeds.I am no Ceaser ready for all the stabs by his very close,Brutus.I wouldn't let it happen.
But,still i forgive you for all that happened,i miss you because you were the first who made my heart pound.But,i am moving on with my strong heart,this time all guarded.For good this time.:)
yours lovingly,
a girl all broken but still running strong!
ps:the above article has nothing to do with my personal life.So kindly take it just as a piece of writing or a thought.Hope you would be able to relate to a teenage girl's feeling.
But wait,do you feel the same way?..even a little bit of it?
Guess what...its a big NO( i know that!).whom am i kidding now!.okay fine,REALITY CHECK..now the fact is:we all know why summer love(or first love) are called so..maybe because it doesn't last much,just a summer or maybe its just the first one,a starting of something beautiful or leaving something for a better thing!
Silly me,thinking about all such stuffs when i know you are nothing but a selfish.You are nothing but self obsessed.You have changed and so did i.
The worst part was,we dint even have to be together for you to shatter my heart.You did it as many times as you could stab someone until he sleeps to death.My heart bleeds but its time to move on.Move on for my own good(yes i am selfish,who isn't?).
From now,don't expect me to remain in touch with you.I wouldn't do that deliberately.Moreover i m loathing you day by day because of your deeds.I am no Ceaser ready for all the stabs by his very close,Brutus.I wouldn't let it happen.
But,still i forgive you for all that happened,i miss you because you were the first who made my heart pound.But,i am moving on with my strong heart,this time all guarded.For good this time.:)
yours lovingly,
a girl all broken but still running strong!
ps:the above article has nothing to do with my personal life.So kindly take it just as a piece of writing or a thought.Hope you would be able to relate to a teenage girl's feeling.
I dare you to move! :'(
ReplyDeleterachit:the girl has already moved on!:)
ReplyDeleteby the way you dont need to relate it with ME..as already mentioned in the post scripted message of this blog.no strings attached,so kindly spare me.
hope you doing fine!
goodbye!:)
I deserved a chance to speak and explain at least.
ReplyDelete"It's the circumstances that make you portray bad" Just a thought!
I know I am bad person, it's been proven ps.
If you want. I'll not bother you more. Hate me, you do.
bye, just bye..
circumstances???...are these uncountable?
ReplyDeletei never said you are bad!
moreover,you have to grab a chance yourself to speak out..of course there are loads of ways to commmunicate.
by the way this doesnt mean i have some kind of enemity with you...no ..never..how can it be when you have been one one of the closest person to me.
Before I could, I was flushed and deleted.
ReplyDeletedoes that mean its the end of the world???...you cant connect by any means??...one who has to,can do it by any means..whatsoever...they dont need facebook altogether for all this.there is a real life beyond internet too.
ReplyDeleteanyhow its totally your wish how you want things to go,but the only thing i would say is that i gave you uncountable chances from past 2 yrs for every damn "cicumstance".. you really cant point a finger on me...as far as the present situation-i am a human too.even i dont like friends lying for small tiny miny things and treating me as not-that-important in life.
Still,in the end i would say,its your life..if you are happy like this than why you need me?..there are no obvious reasons behind it..i cant see any!
you pilled enough accusations on me beforehand only and suddenly deleted me. When we had a nice time at your home, but ekdum se you deleted me without asking. Instead Richi asked me. Or meine usko sab btadia tha. And she told me that she'll talk to you. I guess she didn't.
ReplyDeleteHey, u got new best friends not I. We drifted apart simply coz u couldn't resist talking to that Prateek khurana and sometimes making fun of me. Whereas I never had any friends.
I have already explained everything to richi. And ps mein "kat" nahi rha. I've always been a genuine person and if ur comfortable without me and if you don't want me, just say it in few words. I've already lost several times and I don't need any pity, from anyone.
then why the hell did u lie that day??..this isnt the first time such thing happened..u were lying on my birthday too.again this time the same happened..if u didn't want to tell anything then fine,u shouldnt have even spoken about such thing!but why lie?..the lie doesnt bother me much but YOU speaking a lie is what bothered!
ReplyDeletesecondly,prateek khurana isnt in my contact from past few months.We talked once that too about nidhi.thats it!I am not in contact with anyone from past 1 month..as in any damn friend...even my college friends(except the fact that i meet them in college everyday,but after the college,at home,i havent been in contact as such!)
Moreover,i have never ever changed my priority for my friends.I have always been in love with friendships and still is!I still love my school friends more than anything!But it was you who changed their priorties,not me!dude sending forwaded messages all the time doesnt mean that you are in touch with your friends.Even a single call a month is better than anything just to ensure how your friends are doing in life,whether they are living happily or is there some problem with them!
In addition to that it was me who told richi everything.Richi asked you frankly because you are sharing each and every damn thing happening in your life with her,not me!How could i just sneak in between(specialy where i am least needed...yes..experienced people you all are na...you need relationship expert altogther!) and also the fact that people close to you arent comfortable with me hanging around you then why should i take the blame?..Why should i be the one going behind you asking you loads of time what is happening in your life,,is everything working fine(though,i dont get answer for that too!)?..why cant it be the other way round!Seriously i felt alienated when rich and i were talking about that incidence.I felt that i dont have THAT RIGHT to ask you about the whole thing and specially when it is regarding your relationships..!
Why is it all happening rachit?..give me answer for all that!
Am i the one who is wrong?
ps:sorry,if some part of the lines seems rude to you.It has been written calmly..so dont take it the wrong way.I dont like hurting people and i am not pitying you.I have never done that,you know that!
I am the one who is wrong Prerana. It's all happening because of me, only me. I have no other answer to give to you. You are talking about a single call in a month, when I made richi and me come to your place once that day and spent a good time. I had persuaded her. I wanted to.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I lied. But you never asked me the reason for it. Anyway thik hai tu reason nahi samjhegi, so I know it's all my fault and I apologize.
About that prateek khurana thing. It doesn't matter if u talk to him abhi. It mattered then. And waise bhi I can't bind you, you are free to make friends!
Why is it that I tell Richi somethings.. because you are very far off ps. richi ko bhi mein wohi forwarded sms karta tha jo tujhe. No difference. But I got some reply in return too. That's how things proceed ps..there are priorities and changes. We just need to have faith and trust that the person will be with us, as our true friend. We need to manage the change and expect less.
Mujhe nahi pta ps mein tujhe firse wo sab firse explain kar paunga ya nahi.. Life's taking a toll on me. Maybe I deserve this. I am the one who is wrong and I am the one who screws things up, everywhere.
No you are not wrong.
I am thankful that you are replying here.
As i already mentioned beforehand,i really feel alienated with you because you hardly tell anything and that is the reason i never came up to you to ask why you lied.I knew even if i would have asked you,you would have just changed the topics..maybe!It happens,whenever i asked about your life even on fb chat,you have always been giving me vague answers then how could i ask you such a personal question(yeah..things seems to be so formal na..personal life..relationships n all that stuffs)??
ReplyDeletesee even now you are saying stuff like-"i lied..thik hai tu reason nahi samjhegi!!"..kyu mei kisi aur planet se ayi hu ya fir you consider me a dork when it comes to relationships and all(yeah..maybe you do think!)?
and sending same forwaded messages..ek baat bta..jb mei har msg ka reply krti bhi thi toh kya farak pd jaata tha..i know how u replied!tu ne toh mje mere hi birthday pe wish krte time bhi kya kaha tha-jaise hi mei apni gf se free ho gya toh i msgd to wish you..!!..wtf...inaa bda ehsaan ki tu ne mujhe birthday wish krdia..how special i am na!!(uske baad bhi uprse jhuth bola)..still i just let go off the situation!so now watch out your own dialouges..i thought birthday wishes were always meant to make that person feel special and value them atleast on that day!!
and you talk about priorties...
dude...relationships(friendships) go hand in hand..one sided never works..and that was what it was from past 2 colg yrs(excluding past 1 month)..it was me who was always trying to talk to you...yaar patience bhi kuch hota h..mei bhi insaan hu!
there are loads n loads of stuffs i could have mentioned here from past 2 yrs experience with you but its of no use.let go off the past!
Even after what all happened in the 1st yr itself(i wouldnt mention it here,you know what) and we retrieved our frenship,i always had this in my mind that whatsoever happens (your relationship issues or wtsoever),i would always be there with you as a best friend!but you didnt need a best friend n even if you needed,i guess it was not me in your list!!
and the main reason i vanished from your life:all i was getting was agony and frustuation .did i deserve it?..i guess not..when you had a life of your own and you were enjoying it then why should i be in pain though it was meant for me.why was my life affected due to the series of incidence that take place periodically between us and i used to get hurt but never told you because such matters should be told to people who really are effected by it!that was the reason i moved on...and yes somthing more which i wouldnt be able to explain it to you at this point of time..maybe!so i thought of keeping mum presently..!
wasnt meant*
ReplyDeleteBecause I always thought, talking my relationship with you will make you sad, despondent and unhappy!!! And prerana it was I who tried my best to get our friendship back, even after those tormenting words of yours.
ReplyDeleteAbout the birthday wish. I wished you'd understand.. akriti doesn't like me talking to you and neither you like her(you know why), uske saamne aise call krta toh what would have happened? FIGHT. And you know what, I am tired of fights ps. Han it was my mistake that I forgot to wish you at night but that doesn't change your position and feelings in me! And the reason you always give that Kunal ya koi bhi toh itni achi tarah se manage kar leta hai apni relationship ko and all, ps I am naive to all this. And you didn't fight with kunal's girlfriend and maybe he's better, much better. I know.
Even in this post you are way too much rude. I don't like that but it's all I deserve, I realized. And prerana singh come step into my shoes and know my life and then you'll know what being a loner, a loser and a desperate person is. You talk about my list? It's not there, it's empty. And you know what, I have no regret. I have faith that someday I'll be smiling with no tensions and grief deep beneath. It's been eons since I did that.
Remember when I made programs and you cancelled it or they got cancelled? Ps you were a saviour for me in my school life, meri sabse achhi dost. I was very comfortable with you. But you have to agree that you got some new friends with whom I couldn't mix up. Maybe that was my fault. I don't have friends ps. Come take a look at my life if you don't believe me. (I am not wanting any pity, just telling you.)
And yes I felt that it was not a good idea discussing akriti, my relationship with you. Only because I felt that you'll make fun of me or become sad yourself, which I experienced too.
Lastly, prerana I don't want you to feel that pain, agony and frustration because of me, a liar. Nope, you deserve all the happiness and my best wishes. And just for the record, I hate my life, such a useless long road. I ain't enjoying it madam. I have already ruined one life and I don't want to ruin yours to, further. Isliye do what you want to do and make a decision for yourself, I'll respect that. I just know I am a bad person. If you feel that my presence will somber your life then just flush me down, I promise I wont bother you. I mean it.
Firstly,i am sorry if i am getting rude.You know how much harsh words i speak when i am angry.I aplogize for that.
ReplyDeleteSecondly,yeah i agree that talking about your relationship made me sad but now it doesnt.Atleast when you you are facing a problem,i would have calmly listened to them like a friend specially when i am myself asking you the problems,you ought to give genunine answer rather than vague ones.See,i can sense that your life is not running well but does that mean we cant be friends like we were in school?Cant you open heartdly discuss things with me like at that time?cant i feel comfortable to have a genunine ear to listen to my problems?
Morever,you need not be befriending my new friends for the sake of maintaing a healthy friendhsip with me.Every one has there own place in my heart.I never expected two people to be of same kind.you were my best friend,just to me!nobody else in your or my life bothered about it(not in mine up till now).Seriously,maybe becuse i never gave anyone that much authority to choose my friends,coz they are my friends they have to be comfortable to me and not some higher authorities!!
You say i was a saviour for you.It was just you in my life who taught me a loads of things.I still say the same,you had been the bestest friend in my life till now.that friendship had its own charm which left an indeliable imprint atleast in my life!!
In the above comments you had been apolgizing for your mistakes and lies but isnt it important to give a valid reason for those lies at such point of time?(now dont say,ask richi,dont let others fall into this pit)..it was our friendships,it is ME and YOU who have to make things work not someone else.
Lastly,i can understand your plight..but i leave a question for you..i hope you would answer back soon.
Would we be able to regain the same friendship back(from your side) becoz all i need is the same pure friendship back that we used to have in 12th class??...becoz all that matters is THAT frienship i have been longing from past 2 yrs,all others circumstances shoulnt change it.CAN IT HAPPEN RACHIT?
just a pure innocent friendship with all that trust back and obviously it includes speaking your mind and let everything spill out without any lies from both sides??
can it happen again?are you ready for it..?(i dont wanna any kind of circumstances come in between of the friendship and seriously now i dont have any damn problem with your relationship!..you can actually talk about the neccesary things and obviously not the uneccessary bakwaas..:P )..i give you a chance to improve things..its in your hands last and final time!!:)
au revoir!:)
Full attitude mein likh rahi hai ps, hain! :P
ReplyDeleteOf course I want that chirpy, boisterous and strong friendship as back then yaaR! And yes it can happen with a tinge of matureness and a bit more of understanding. I'll talk to you soon and we'll meet. There is loads to share and talk! Miss you. :)
yeah sure..lets talk atleast just aftr the xaam...n clear out all the doubts!!!
ReplyDeletemiss you too!:)