An year has passed on and I never wrote anything here,maybe,because I was too busy making things differ this time.It has indeed.Situations have changed me.I like what I am today.Or it can be because I have changed myself too much that I don't feel the need to confront my feelings and pen them down somewhere.I guess I could connect to the latter part more.
I have been trying to write down just to vent out everything but these words aren't slipping from my mouth.I cant recollect what I am feeling,what I should think about or what is bothering.I don't know anything. Infact,I guess I don't even want to think!!
I am not a big fan of attachments.I loathe getting attached to people or things from a very long time.All this is because I feel its such waste of time,getting attached to people and things,again making things work and then while getting away,consoling yourself that it happens.
I came to this new city where I had promised myself that things would never affect me.I wont let anything dither me from my goals.They still haven't made any changes on the latter part(yes ,maturity strikes here!) but getting attached? I don't know.I have been in a state of denial from months now,thinking that this is so not me.I have acted foolish in front of people who are close to me just to show them that their presence or absence doesn't make a difference to me.I have been doing this all the time.I still do it sometimes.But,I know I am going to miss someone.I can't show it,I cant cry or yell out because that's not my style.I haven't been like this from a very long time.I wanted to enjoy life,travel and do things I haven't ever done,independently.But,somehow I am again stuck into this whole loop.Although I am still at a better position because I am sticking to the realities of life this time.
There comes a time in life when you have to act properly,react properly and shut you mouth for things to go smooth.I have been doing all this.Now,it hurts sometimes.It makes me delirious.The idea of being separated from people you like without even letting them know how you feel about it makes the situation worse.The fear that some people wouldn't connect often like other friends makes those things more worse.
I dont know what I am looking for or why I am writing this?What have I concluded from all of it?What should be my next step?How can I run away from this whole situtaion before I have to face it?Why I have all those insecurities?Should I just let myself feel that I don't care about people or situations and I just want to enjoy life like it is irrespective of any human around?Will I ever be able to confront my thoughts and feelings in front of people I should?How would deal with life after some part of my life gets separated?The idea of being alone in this city,someone's absence, would it make some significant changes in my life or not?
I don't have any answer.I am just trying not to face all this in some or the other manner.I feel I am weak to look for the answers.I don't know why am I even writing this post.I just want to run away from here.Run away from people.From places.Like I have always been doing,
Just some random thoughts I had in mind.
I have been trying to write down just to vent out everything but these words aren't slipping from my mouth.I cant recollect what I am feeling,what I should think about or what is bothering.I don't know anything. Infact,I guess I don't even want to think!!
I am not a big fan of attachments.I loathe getting attached to people or things from a very long time.All this is because I feel its such waste of time,getting attached to people and things,again making things work and then while getting away,consoling yourself that it happens.
I came to this new city where I had promised myself that things would never affect me.I wont let anything dither me from my goals.They still haven't made any changes on the latter part(yes ,maturity strikes here!) but getting attached? I don't know.I have been in a state of denial from months now,thinking that this is so not me.I have acted foolish in front of people who are close to me just to show them that their presence or absence doesn't make a difference to me.I have been doing this all the time.I still do it sometimes.But,I know I am going to miss someone.I can't show it,I cant cry or yell out because that's not my style.I haven't been like this from a very long time.I wanted to enjoy life,travel and do things I haven't ever done,independently.But,somehow I am again stuck into this whole loop.Although I am still at a better position because I am sticking to the realities of life this time.
There comes a time in life when you have to act properly,react properly and shut you mouth for things to go smooth.I have been doing all this.Now,it hurts sometimes.It makes me delirious.The idea of being separated from people you like without even letting them know how you feel about it makes the situation worse.The fear that some people wouldn't connect often like other friends makes those things more worse.
I dont know what I am looking for or why I am writing this?What have I concluded from all of it?What should be my next step?How can I run away from this whole situtaion before I have to face it?Why I have all those insecurities?Should I just let myself feel that I don't care about people or situations and I just want to enjoy life like it is irrespective of any human around?Will I ever be able to confront my thoughts and feelings in front of people I should?How would deal with life after some part of my life gets separated?The idea of being alone in this city,someone's absence, would it make some significant changes in my life or not?
I don't have any answer.I am just trying not to face all this in some or the other manner.I feel I am weak to look for the answers.I don't know why am I even writing this post.I just want to run away from here.Run away from people.From places.Like I have always been doing,
Just some random thoughts I had in mind.
